Wednesday, May 02, 2007

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This morning I felt bad for anyone in the world who's name starts with the letter A, owns a cell phone, and has any friends. I writethis blog for Al, Amy, Adam, Alice, Andy, Alan, Alex, Arthur, Anna, and Andrew. At about 6:30 this morning I got an, "Oops Phone Call."

Now, I don't know whether this person who called me by mistake blames their fingers or their back pocket, but someone needs to win a trophy for beating my alarm clock in the race to wake me up first. If the caller had their keys in their front left pocket, wallet in their front right pocket, and non-flip phone in their back right pocket, we can’t blame the fingers for this "Oops Phone Call." All charges for this mistake should be placed on the person's ass and the lock button. Man, where this world would be if everyone turned in their non-flip phones or learned how to use the lock button. And you always know when it is an "Oops Phone Call" because the person who has made the mistake does not know what to say, since they really weren't trying to get a hold of you. It's basically about 20 to 30 seconds of dead silence on one end, and the person who has just been woken up or bothered on the other end saying," Hello, Hello, Hello, is anyone there." There is a reason why I will only own flip phones.

A few years ago one of these "Oops Phone Calls" ruined a 4 year friendship between a group of teenage girls. Becca Rimmer and Julie Stiller were driving home from the mall with their tight, stonewashed, Lucky Brand "Lil Maggie Jeans" on. These jeans that are so tight you question how blood could move through those girls' bodies. There is so little breathing room that any movement could lead to a phone call if the lock button isn’t in use. Of course, Becca and Julie start talking bad about Amy Waters and Amy Waters happens to be the first name in Becca's phone. Before the director can call ,"Action," a four year friendship is destroyed in a matter of seconds, because of a tight pair of jeans and a phone that couldn't flip or lock. These types of phones are deadly.

To all my friends: if any of you guys are truly my friend, please take a minute out of your busy day to change my name from Adam to Rosenberg A. I promise I will not mind being number 27 in your phone. I may even like you more.

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